To kill a mocking bird
by: Manju Reddy
- deccan.com
Kiranjit Ahluwalia, a Sikh woman, physically, mentally and sexually tortured by her husband Deepak for 10 years, could take it no longer. She was terrified of staying, the consequences of running away were worse; she felt trapped. She had no intention of killing him but had to stop him from getting at her everyday. She had to make him understand pain and how it felt to be physically abused. She planned to set fire to the bed sheets while he slept. She wanted to burn his feet so he could not run after her and beat her or “break her legs” as he had so often threatened. Here’s a quick recap of Kiranjit’s life as etched in her autobiography.
Both her parents had died when she was 16 years old, her brothers arranged for a match and got her married to Deepak Ahluwalia from London. Kiranjit moved to London with him. He appeared to be a paranoid, disturbed man accusing his wife and mother too of silly things. The humiliation started soon after the wedding. It was the beginning of 10 years of violence and sexual abuse.
Deepak was obsessed with controlling Kiranjit’s behaviour. He even forbade her to eat chillies or drink black coffee. She was not allowed to go out, see friends or family (as he was paranoid she would discuss him) and was treated like a slave. He was a violent man, abused Kiranjit on a daily basis while he was involved with other women. She was kicked, punched and slapped; beaten with belts, shoes, threatened with knives, hot irons. Deepak forced her to have sex with him and she subsequently had two children.
Kiranjit tried to seek help from her family only to be told to go back, be “a good wife” and “make the marriage work”. l She had two court injunctions in an effort to stop Deepak’s attacks on her, but to no effect. She ran away but he found her and brought her right back. l One day Deepak woke her up saying if her brother did not pay him the money, which he thought was owed to him (his brother-in-law owed him £350 originally, but Deepak inflated this to £3000), he would break her legs. He needed the money to splurge on his firang mistress.
Kiranjit could take it no more. On that fateful night, when Deepak returned home late, went straight into the room and slept, Kiranjit sneaked in, poured kerosene around the bedsheet. Deepak suddenly woke up and stared at her. Frightened, she threw the burning stick at him and ran out. Ten days later Deepak died of his injuries and Kiranjit was charged with his murder.
No matter what the provocation, the law considers murder a crime and Kiranjit was convicted for manslaughter and sentenced to life imprisonment. However, with the help of Southall Black Sisters, a non-profit organisation in London, which takes up the cause of battered Asian housewives, she won her appeal on the grounds of diminished responsibility. Kiranjit was released after serving a sentence for three years and three months. Alongside the legal campaign, Southall Black Sisters mobilised public opinion, held meetings, demos, media coverage and Kiranjit became a household name.
Her autobiography, Circle of Light, co-authored by Rahila Gupta, is now being made into a film, titled Provoked, with Aishwarya Rai playing the role of Kiranjit. Says Jagmohan Mundra, the director of the film, “Kiranjit’s case was all over the press in London. Soon after she was convicted for manslaughter, when quizzed by reporters on how she felt, a calm Kiranjit replied, ‘Free’. It made me realise the poor woman must have been through hell, a death sentence had no effect on her. When I read her autobiography I was keen to make a film that gives a clear message — even one slap is one too many. Women need not put up with abuse and brutality.”
Kiranjit was originally convicted as her defense of provocation failed. The judge directed the jury that there was too much of a time lag for her to claim she was provoked at that precise time (she could not have been provoked by a sleeping victim). On appeal, her legal team successfully argued that provocation could be cumulative. In addition, if a man provokes a woman, she is less likely to take immediate physical action because man is physically stronger. She will use other methods of reacting. Today, the Ahluwalia case is a legal precedent for those reasons.
When in jail Kiranjit bonded with her English cellmate who was instrumental in changing Kiranjit’s personality. From a simple, shy village girl she emerged a strong-willed woman, having no regrets about what she had done.
Even today many women are trapped in such situations. We read similar stories of abuse. So what made Jagmohan want to make this into a movie? “Kiranjit’s story has three layers. It starts off with love and betrayal; how a young Punjabi girl with stars in her eyes gets married to this man from London and dreams of a great life ahead. But it turns out to be just the opposite, a nightmare rather."
“The second chapter in her life is that of bonding. When in jail, Kiranjit and her English cellmate, two culturally different people, get rather close and the latter helps Kiranjit overcome her sorrow, change her personality and make her a strong woman. Finally, Kiranjit emerges a winner. She has a message to convey to fellow beings. All this makes for a great story,” said Jagmohan Mundra, director of the film.
Initially, Kiranjit wasn’t sure she’d like her tragic life to be made into a film. She’s moved on in life, does a routine job, has raised her two sons and is living amidst the same people who were around her then.
“She was worried about her sons. Her mother-in-law too is still alive and I’m sure she wouldn’t like her son being portrayed as a brutal man. In fact during the trial, though witness to Kiranjit’s torture, she said Kiranjit often provoked her son to lose his temper. I met Kiranjit’s sons and they were okay with the idea of a film being made. The elder boy said he saw his mother suffer while the younger one doesn’t remember his father,” said Jagmohan.
Apparently the boys were very keen on meeting Aishwarya Rai who plays their mother’s role. The co-author of Circle of Light, Rahila Gupta and the Southall Black sisters were keen Jagmohan make a film to inspire other women faced with similar situations to protect themselves from domestic violence. When Aishwarya Rai was approached to do the film she instantly agreed. “Domestic violence is such a serious, offensive act that I did not have a moment’s hesitation in accepting the film. I have never played a women so brutally abused... both physically and mentally. After we finished the shooting I met Kiranjit Ahluwalia. I hugged her… she is truly a survivor,” says Aishwarya Rai.
Dr Narayan Reddy, sexologist and relationships expert analyses the reasons for aggressive behaviour in men. Man has been brought up in a society that gives him undue superiority, privilege and power, so he cannot tolerate insubordination from his wife. What a woman might not consider as provocation may appear to her husband as inexcusable and then he retaliates. Initially, the woman puts up with the abuse as she has been trained to do so by her parental family. She may also be hopeful that her husband will change in the future. But everybody reaches a point where they can’t take it any longer. And they fight back.
Instead of allowing yourself to reach a stage where you want to kill the abusive partner, Dr Narayan Reddy’s advice to women who are in abusive relationships is:
* Seek help. Take the family members (including the in-laws ) into confidence. Seek the help of a professional counsellor/psychotherapist as this will help you make up your mind one way or the other.
* Take the husband to a psychiatrist. Most abusers have personality disorders and getting a proper assessment will be beneficial in managing the situation.
* These therapeutic strategies are long drawn ones and hence don’t expect dramatic results. If things are getting out of hand lodge a complaint with the police. There are all women police stations in some states where women constables will be posted in the home to keep a watch and prevent the man from abusing his wife.
* If you still feel you’ve had enough and can’t cope, then apply for divorce on the grounds of cruelty.
But poor Kiranjit had tried all of this. Her family didn’t help, her mother-in-law pretended she didn’t see anything; Kiranjit ran away but was dragged right back. She had no choice but to free herself from a wretched husband. Murder was the only option.
